Alcohol - The False Meditation

Motivational Speaker and best-selling author, Luke S. Kennedy, gives us a little teaser of his upcoming book, Sex, Drugs, and a Buddhist Monk. This upcoming book is the second installment to his #1 Bestseller, Stabbed Ego - A Thug's Journey to Enlightenment.

Alcohol skewed my perception. It boosted my ego, making me obnoxious. I would interrupt people’s conversations and refused to be quiet. Along with my ego, alcohol would boost my confidence. I also worried less what other people thought about me. I would wonder - Why does it play on both sides? Why does it boost my ego, but also reduce my thoughts? Like alcohol, there are many outer sources that would rid me of my mind for a short period.

Sex, drugs, alcohol and adrenaline-based activities always made me feel as though I was free, totally present and living in pure happiness.

I would delve into them too frequently though, turning the freedom on its tail. I’d never get what I was looking for; a less frantic mind.

This high had lower lows.

Taking drugs brought me away from my mania. My mind rested for a short period, giving me the elated feeling of freedom. By partaking in these freedom-giving activities though, I found myself trapped.  My ego was resting, building up strength. Once a drug high was over, my ego would be in full force against my fragile mind and depleted body[S1]  caused by the chemicals streaming through it and not a seconds’ sleep in days. Regret, fear, depression and tears would settle as my mind continued teasing my misfortune.

This high had lower lows.

During sex I was totally present, not a worry in the world, I had company, I was happy. After sex, I would feel lonely, my partner asleep or gone. I would lie there worrying about my performance, the evil ego bellowing in laughter, leaving me feeling dejected. The lack of sex too, frustrated my anxious, built up body.

This high had lower lows.

Adrenaline-based activities were euphoric. A feeling I would search for time and again. After such a high, everyday life seemed dull. I would take more daring risks topping the exhilaration from the previous high.

All these highs, had even lower lows.

Ignoring the ego is not the same as letting go of it. Like closing a bedroom door to a room on fire hoping it will go away, you will soon be burnt. So why was I given these glimpses of presence in outer sources, resulting in the opposite of what I was looking for? Was I being shown the possibilities of a present and peaceful mind? Why then was it taken and replaced with a turbulent, violent and noisy one?

Was I being punished for looking for happiness somewhere other than within? Like rummaging for reading glasses only to find them sitting on my head. Searching for something I already had, it seemed comical.

Until it drove me mad.

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