Australia's Top Anti-Bullying Speakers For Schools
The disconnection between who our youth are deep down, and the false-self that they’re trying to live up to, is the main cause of unhappiness. This ‘lost’ feeling leads to depression, trying to impress other people, social anxiety, drug & alcohol abuse, and bullying.
When speaking of bullying, my main aim is to target SELF-BULLYING!
Self-bullying is where a student will get negative thoughts about themselves, they worry, and their confidence drops. They think they're not good enough. Their self-worth decreases.
This is where worrying what other people think comes in. They aren’t confident in who they are, so they worry what other people’s opinions are of them. This results in not stepping up when they see something negative happening like bullying. Or this results in themselves being pressured and bullied. Because, again, they aren’t confident to say something.
This self bullying and self doubt, is because our youth are getting further away from their true selves and constantly worrying what other people think.
My raw and capturing story gets their attention, and my explanation of mindset teaches them a lot about themselves.
"As a father of two young boys here tonight, I just want to thank you for an unbelievable presentations. I've never seen a motivational speaker connect so well with kids and adults at the same time. I learnt a lot myself. Thank you again, you're an incredible speaker. I wish you all the best." - Parent.
My recent talk at NB Christian School was to a broad audience; 10 year old's - 16 year old's. Not only to the students but their parents and teachers were there as well. I needed to keep the 16 year old's attentive with some deep/cool/motivating stories but at the same time not frighten the 10 year old's. It's a tight line between engagement of older students, and scaring the younger ones. A couple of my stories are needed (could work around it but they give prime examples of topic/angle), but are pretty 'full on'.
I have a couple of ‘heavy’ stories that make a big impact, and is aligned with the topic of bullying/peer pressure/self-bullying. I was stabbed which resulted in a punctured lung, witnessed a drunken friend get run over by a train - It rips his arm and hand off.
Another friend drops dead from taking a single ecstasy tablet. I understand the night wasn't about drugs and alcohol. These stories are the result of bullying and those standing aside not being confident (self-bullying) enough to say something. I usually give some good detail about these events and feedback has always been great from students as well as teachers. There was three things I wanted to focus on in my presentation.
1. The different forms of bullying.
2. Why people bully (or be a bystander).
3. What to do when you witness someone being bullied.
After first hearing the word bullying, we think it’s picking on someone. Swearing, hitting, or being mean to someone. That’s what most of us associate to bullying. And that’s right, it is bullying.
But really I feel, there’s 3 things. 3 things that are associated to bullying, and being a bystander.
1. Bullying. There’s actually bullying, where it is that swearing, or picking on someone, and teasing them.
2. Pressure / Peer-pressure. Where we pressure other people into doing things, even our friends, or we pressure them to not do something positive. Or we stand by and allow someone to be pressured. This is a form of bullying.
3. The third, and I believe most crucial form, because it effects, and I feel is the cause of the other two is….
Self-bullying is where we get negative thoughts about ourselves, we worry, and our confidence drops. We think we are not good enough.
This is where worrying what other people think comes in. We aren’t confident in who we are, so we worry what other people’s opinions are of us. This results in us not stepping up when we see something negative happening like bullying. Or this results in ourselves being pressured and or bullied. Because again, we aren’t confident to say something. So we just cop it.
This self bullying and self doubt, is because we are getting further away from our true selves and constantly worrying what other people think.
"Are we going to live and enjoy each moment or are we going to continue to worry about tomorrow until there are no tomorrows."
- Stabbed Ego
I show the audience how my life turned into hell due to self-bullying. I then explain how I got control of this self-bullying, and show ways how we all can too.
I talk a lot about the true-self, and that voice in our heads. I also say that it might seem like I'm a little crazy, as I talk about the true-self or that voice in our heads, but our true self speaks to us in many ways;
It might not be that voice in the head, like me, it’s that slight hesitation when you’re about to do something you really shouldn’t do, that’s your true self, your true intuition, warning you to pull back. Or it’s that feeling deep down we get, when we see someone being bullied, we might laugh, or mightn’t do anything, but that feeling deep down, we feel this wrong sort of feeling, that’s your true self begging you to stand up. It doesn’t mean that you have to put yourself in danger, by trying to stand up to a big bully. It could be that you tell the person being bullied afterwards, that you’re there for them. That you will go and tell someone with them. So this person doesn’t feel alone. You’ve got to be confident enough to step up. You’ve got to listen to your true self, your spirit, your intuition, and not bury it with all these worries, and these doubtful thoughts. We’ve got to start listening to our gut instinct, our feelings. And step up to what is right. Because witnessing someone being bullied. Or pressured into doing something, is wrong, we all know it’s wrong. We have to step up and not be a part of it. Because I can assure you. No one deep down really wants to be a part of that. so if you’re the one stepping up and not being a part of it. Then you’re the true, genuine leader.
So if a students does get that feeling deep down, what can they do if they recognise bullying, or someone being pressured?
1. Don’t Participate. A bully always looks for others to encourage them or looks for an audience to impress. So participation could mean that you laugh. Or you stand there on the side of the one doing the bullying. So don’t feel pressured into participating.
2. Reach Out / Take Out. You could reach out to the person being bullied. Be confident enough to reach out and help them. You could include them in with your friends. Someone that is being bullied always feel like they’re alone. If you know someone being bullied. You could include them in your friends, and this will help their confidence. And it will show the bully that this person is actually liked by a lot of people and they’re doing the wrong thing. Or Take out. It’s where you see them in a rough situation, where they might be about to get bullied, or are being bullied, so you take them out of that situation. You go to a different part of the playground, or closer to a parent or teacher or adults.
3. Always tell an adult. If you witness bullying, or someone being pressured. Always tell an adult. This come back to our self bullying again. We have to not worry what other people think. Sometimes we will worry that people will think we are dobbing. So what? If it’s going to help someone, and could stop bullying, then you must tell an adult. A parent or teacher.
At the end of my talk I shows ways of lessening the doubts and also a few of the causes of these doubts.
Youth self-care should be our prime focus. The over-stimulation of mind is crushing these students happiness. i feel there is a much needed shift occurring though, and it's comforting to see many schools and youth groups focusing on mental health.
"I just wanted to say thank you for coming to our school and sharing your story. I'm going to be myself and not worry what people think about me. Thank you." - 11 year old student.
"Where can I leave a testimonial for you? That struck a chord with everyone in the room. It's the best presentation I've seen to students. You're doing great things." - Teacher.
Many students and their parents approached me after and bought my book, Stabbed Ego. I love seeing students excited to read. It gives me a thrill. After the talk I packed up and had a good hour to drive home. The buzz after a talk is like nothing else. It's the most fulfilling feeling I've ever felt. I smiled the whole way home and I'm extremely grateful for how my life has turned out and how others can now benefit from this. I laugh when I think that I'm now a motivational speaker. In the past I couldn't speak to a single person without stuttering. Now, I speak to large audiences and love every second of it.
Do you have a group of kids that need a push in the right direction? Let Luke inspire your kids.